Chapter Five, what cannot be retained will eventually pass away.

Shen Nian Ci searched on more than ten platforms for his meaning, only to find a simple "good night." She knew that Li Yingze was an otaku, so in the days when she was absent, she watched a lot of anime just to have many common topics with him one day.

Although not as bright as the sun, it is already enough for me.

Li Yingze replied, "I am not a plant."

Those days were the most difficult for Shen Nianci. She was afraid of the free activities in physical education class, afraid of hearing the group completing the homework and the classmates quizzing each other during exams.

Li Yingze would occasionally visit her space, and occasionally go to Shen Nianci's QQ Music homepage to take a look. They seem to be entangled like this all the time.

On the day when Shen Nianci and Li Yingze were strolling on the playground, Shen Nianci asked him, "What if I wait for you until we graduate from high school?"

Shen Nianci returned an awkward expression.

It's a painful memory that makes one roll on the ground in agony just by thinking about it.

Now Shen Nianci recalls everything between them, sometimes feeling inexplicably amused. She remembers that Li Yingze had not graduated yet and was still in the third year of junior high school.

Shen Nianci suddenly felt a great sense of regret. There was an indescribable feeling in her heart, feeling like time had been wasted and it was not worth it.

Later she realized that he probably didn't need protection at all because he was already very powerful. But it took Shen Nianci a long time to know this. He never hung out with those hooligans, but many of them were his friends. Why did he know them? Shen Nianci never asked. In other words, she didn't have the chance.

Being isolated by classmates, she could only walk back to the classroom silently during free activities in physical education class. When it came to forming teams freely, she always stood alone in place, with no one willing to be in a group with her. That was the time that Shen Nianci feared recalling the most. During that period, she didn't even have a mobile phone and relied solely on Li Yingze and his presence to survive.

A person pretends to let go with a blank mind.

Heart-to-heart conversation in the sky.

Perhaps Shen Nianci's imagination is too serious, or it is also possible that Li Yingze is not good at refusing, so this kind of imagination is a vague feeling, which makes Shen Nianci unable to get out of it, even for a long time, Shen Nianci never sleeps late, never listens to Chinese love songs, afraid that if she falls into it, she really can't get out.

However, the vague affection makes Shen Nian unable to truly give up no matter what.

On that day, the setting sun painted half of the sky red. Shen Nianci stood at the door of the fourth-floor classroom and saw Li Yingze about to go downstairs. She immediately followed him, but something delayed her and she saw Li Yingze standing next to the steps of the lower playground. He watched as Shen Nianci walked towards him step by step, with the evening sun shining on his profile. Shen Nianci felt her face flush and her heart race. At that moment, the radio station played a song that matched the scene.

Perhaps in those lonely and helpless days, he learned to protect himself.

Li Yingze did not answer. She looked at him, and suddenly a sentence appeared in her mind: "It's my wishful thinking, he doesn't need to pay for it."

Soon, Li Yingze also replied, saying: "What cannot be retained will eventually fade away."

At this thought, Shen Nianci's heart seemed to have been ruthlessly stabbed, with a sharp blade deeply embedded in her chest, leaving behind indelible traces.

Unfortunately, she never had the chance again.

Anyway, I have long been accustomed to your absence.

But it is not dark, because something happened, replacing the sun.

Can't wait for your goodnight.

Shen Nianci replied with a bitter smile: "Eating apples on Christmas Eve is the key to happiness."

Shen Nianci often dreams of Li Yingze. Once, Shen Nianci dreamt that Li Yingze was angry and said to him, "Don't talk to anyone else in the future, I will be jealous."

So you were aware all along, and it turns out you just didn't like me. Why didn't I realize this sooner? Instead, I've been stuck here for ten years.

Waiting for Brother A, followed by a face-covering soybean emoji.

On the second Christmas, Shen Nianci again sought out a friend and gave an apple to him who was in the new school. On the third year, she only remembered Li Yingze saying, "There's no need for this."

Shen Nianci suddenly remembered a time when she asked him, "Do you really not have any feelings?"

Shen Nianci left a sentence for Li Yingze: "Countdown three days."

They looked at each other like this, neither of them spoke. Li Yingze stood there for a long time, but Shen Nianci didn't have the courage to speak to him. When Shen Nianci got the phone, he immediately sent a message asking, "Are you waiting for me?"

Li Yingze, in your vast youth, did you ever like me? Or rather, will you remember me?

Perhaps in dreams, Shen Nianci can only feel the happiness that should have belonged to her but never had. But dreams always wake up, and the pale and powerless reality tears apart all the beauty, replacing it with desolation.

They are like the moon and the sun, in the same time and space, but not on the same meridian. After a brief intersection, they continue to move away.

It has nothing to do with me.

Chen Nianci suddenly felt a buzzing sensation in her head, and the outcome was like she wanted to climb to the top of the mountain, but kept going downhill.

Li Yingze also does some strange things, such as saying a Japanese phrase to Shen Nianci: ヤスミナサイ.

On December 19, 2021, Shen Nianci posted a dynamic on their social media saying, "No one has let go of anyone."

From Keigo Higashino's "Journey Under the Midnight Sun".

I have never had the sun, so I am not afraid of losing it.

To become mundane, longing to see through.

December 27, 2018.

After Shen Nianci graduated from high school, she still had simple contact with Li Yingze. In fact, Shen Nianci shamelessly sent messages with a thick-skinned face.

沈念辞知道的,终有一天,李应泽会忘记她的声音,忘记她的样子,也许在未来的某一天里,李应泽会笑着对其他人说道:“沈念辞?不太记得了。”.

Yes, what cannot be retained will ultimately fade away. So, what is she still brooding over?

In my sky, there is no sun, it's always night.

This is something Shen Nianci often says, and she would still say it now. After Shen Nianci finished her message, she added another sentence: "Next year, there won't be anyone left to find." After sending out this message, Shen Nianci never received a reply from Li Yingze.

With this light, I can turn the night into day.

Shen Nian sent an emoji and then replied, "Afraid you'll be bullied."

Li Yingze quickly deleted her contact information. Shen Nianci looked at the search records and smiled bitterly twice. She fell on the bed, looked at the ceiling, and suddenly a few words appeared in her mind: It's time to let go.

That kind of feeling, both real and illusory, made Shen Nianci unable to come back to his senses for a long time. When he woke up, that feeling of youthful excitement reappeared, as if a green sprout suddenly grew out of a withered branch, the tender shoot growing out of a hard crevice in the rock wall.

However, Li Yingze is also a very strange person, it can be said that he is incomprehensible. The school in their area is too small, and the place is also small. There are often incidents of campus bullying. At that time, Shen Nianci was afraid that something would happen to him, so she asked a friend to take care of him more. As a result, when he was at night, he sent a message: "You asked someone to protect me, but it's not necessary."